Finally Myself Again!

I am finally feeling like my old self again! The old self that I was before the divorce even! Last weekend was wonderful! Carliss and I met one of my friends for lunch on Saturday and then we headed to Commerce to the Outlet Mall. The rest of the time we just caught up on what has been going on with each other and reminiscing about old times!
I took my new medication hesitantly on Friday night. But thank God I had no side effects! I hope that remains to be the case every week! My ankles are still not 100%, but they are so much better. My eyes are pretty much back to 20/20 (with glasses of course). I feel so much better knowing what is going on with my body and finally having a game plan for dealing with it!
My session with my counselor went very well last week. We laughed and cried together, well I cried and she listened! I am learning to let go of all that has taken place in the past year and forgive myself for some of the decisions that I have made! She gave me a wonderful book called He Loves Me to read!
On another note I have found two "toys" that I REALLY want! The first is a GPS! I am horrible with directions and after riding with 3 friends that have one I absolutely have got to get my hands on one! I have been watching a few on Ebay, but I am not exactly sure what I am looking for!
The other new toy that I have my eye on is this Flip Camera. It is a handheld video camera that plugs right into your computer and you can instantly download videos! The software is right there in the camera! I would love to have one before Emily's party next weekend!

This & That

Well, my appointment went well yesterday! The doctor was very thorough and had a wonderful bedside manner! Unfortunately, I have an autoimmune disorder that causes my immune system to attack my eyes and joints. I am going to be taking an immunosuppressant which is actually a very low does of chemo. This drug will suppress my immune system so that it will quit attacking me! I only have to take the pills one day a week and I will take 6 at one time! It can cause extreme fatigue and some other not so pleasant side effects so please pray that the side effects will be minimal.

On a brighter note. My friend from Savannah is coming to visit me this weekend. We have been friends since middle school! We are just going to hang out and have some "girl" time. I also got a new purse that I love. My dear friend Susan gave me a gift certificate for my birthday so this is what I got:


And the best part was I got a free matching change purse! I am getting so excited about spring and the warmer weather! I am ready for capris and flip flops!

Tomorrow is the Day

Everyone please say a prayer for me. Tomorrow I have my long awaited appointment with the rheumetologist. Can you believe that I have had an arthritic flare in my right ankle for seven weeks, but now my left ankle and left knee are involved? Joint pain has just become a part of my everyday life here lately! But I know that even with this pain something good will come from it all. If nothing else I am becoming one tough cookie! LOL! I see my Christian counselor today. I have not seen her since the divorce so it will be a reunion of sorts. She always helped me see the brighter side and I am counting on her to do that for me today!

The Cold, Hard Truth

Who am I kidding? Myself? To think that all is well with me would be a joke! How can I wander through everyday life like everything is fine when it isn't? Who am I? Have you ever asked yourself that question and had absolutely no sense of your own identity? Yes, I am a mother, a teacher, a daughter, and a friend. But who is Becky? I have lived my entire adulthood so far playing a role as if in a movie. I played all those roles above including the role of wife as if following a script of how I thought that things should be. I had an image of what marriage should look like, what sweet adorable children should look like, what a good solid career looks like, what a beautiful home should look like. It was a script totally written by me and me alone! Was I happy?? I thought that I was, but no not really! Then came the strong wind that ripped that script of mine right from my hands. Oh no- how could I survive without it? God taught me that He is the great script writer and it was past time for me to turn to Him as my director! But why do I fight it? Why do I fight to control something that I have no control over, never did, never will! I would be lying to say that I have breezed through the past twelve months. I lost my husband that I adored, moved twice (after losing my house), and most recently spent two weeks barely able to walk! I have been a bad mother, a bad daughter, a bad sister, and a bad friend. I have not been there for anyone else. I have wallowed in my own grief until it has just about consumed me! My mind tells me to move on and smile and that is what my heart wants to do, but you know what- that is much easier said than done! I am sitting here at my computer with the Serenity Prayer staring back at me just as it has since January of last year. But today I sit and read it and remember I have a whole new respect for that prayer. It reminds me that God is in the director's chair and HE knows what is best for me! And He loves me unconditionally!

OK- this is where my mind wants to be right now! We just took our kids to the bus and it is 36 degrees at 3:00 in the afternoon. It is supposed to be 16 degrees tonight. OUCH! God knew what he was doing when He brought me into this world in this fine state of Georgia! Don't you just long for some warmer weather when you can wear your shorts and flip flops again??

Wonderful Weekend!

I had a very event filled weekend, but it was great! Friday night Emily and I spent the night at the mall! Yes, the mall! But we weren't shopping! The Girl Scouts had a spend the night event at the Milledgeville Mall and Emily had a blast! Of course we did not even lay down until about 2:45! But it was worth it to see Emily have such a great time! My parents and sister stayed at my house with Jacob. On Saturday afternoon, my Daddy and my sister Amy and I went to see Kooza in Atlanta. It is put on by Cirque de Soleil and it was wonderful. The performers were astounding! It was a great trip!
My ankle is much better, not 100%, but much better! My blood work came back positive for the Rheumatoid factor and my inflammation rate was high so I am being referred to a rheumatologist. I am finally able to walk again after I have been on a steroid for about 4 days. The past few weeks have been very stressful and overwhelming between the move and the horrendous pain that I have been in with my ankle. But I have the best family and friends and they have been such a blessing to me!

What a Week!

Above is a picture of our neighborhood! I promise to take some inside pictures this weekend! I did not get around to it this week! I have had a tough week this week. Last week my ankle started swelling and I though that maybe I sprained it during the move. Well, by Monday it was three times its normal size and I could not put any pressure on it at all! I decided at 5:00 to go to the After Hours Clinic to have it seen about. The doctor there diagnosed me with gout after doing Xrays. He gave me two injections and a prescription. Well, the prescription made me sleepy, irritable and it hurt my stomach! Oh- how fun! So on top of the fact that I was limping I was also experiencing stomach pain and crying at the same time! I had had enough, so yesterday I finally got in to see my regular doctor. She took about 6 vials of blood and told me that she thinks that I might have Reiter's Syndrome. Reiter's is an autoimmune disorder that effects your eyes (yes, I am in the middle of another episode of iritis) , joints, and the urinary tract (which I have had no symptoms of). The blood work will be back in a few days and I will know for sure!
Other than all that, life has been good! We have settled into our new place and we are happy! The kids spend this weekend with their daddy and I plan to do some things I want to do. Tonight I am eating Japanese with friends and tomorrow I plan to REST!!! Plus I have to do the ordinary stuff too like grocery shopping and cleaning! I never made it to the movie theater, but maybe I will this weekend! I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend!